Well. It has been a while. In the immortal words of the unfortunately very mortal Douglas Adams: I went crazy for a while. Or rather hubby did. I'm fine now, but he is not yet.
The most devastating thing about SZ is the fact that the sufferer's personality seems to be completely replaced by something or someone else. It's like a demon takes hold of him. No wonder they used to think that mentally ill people were demon possessed. Even today there are religious persons who believe that sort of thing. Maybe more on this in future blogs.
The point I want to address today is that, with every turn onto that dark path, it feels as if my husband dies. I am left with a person I can't even like, much less love. And it breaks my heart.
No wonder then that many spouses in such a situation suffer from certain mental conditions themselves. These can include things such as depression and anxiety. I remember that during our first year of marriage I found the situation so surreal that I had a continual knot in my stomach. It came to a point where I no longer knew who or what I was supposed to be.
Another trap is addictive behavior. To deal with depression and anxiety, one tends to lean on crutches such as alcohol and food (especially chocolate!). Ironically, these tend to only make matters worse. An accumulation of fat and constant hangovers are hardly conducive to a healthy state of mind!
So today I want to emphasize that it is vital for the "healthy" partner to keep herself as stable as possible. There are many ways to do this. I'll go into more detail in my next post. For now, here is a list of things that worked particularly well for me.
1. Join an online or real-time support group.
2. Find an email buddy.
3. Focus on keeping your body healthy and fit.
4. Get out more. See a movie with a good friend.
5. Listen to loud music. Sing along loudly.
6. Meditate.
7. Clear your fridge of all unhealthy foods.
8. Learn something new.
9. Revive an old skill or passion.
10.Write an angry letter to your partner. Read it and burn it.
That's it. More later.
posted by Cathi @ 11:25 PM
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